Box of Horror #1: Apollo 18, Insidious, V/H/S

It’s October, which means it’s time to binge on horror movies. I plan on doing a few batches of mini-reviews this month, and I’ll have a handful of horror-related entries in the 50 Movies Project as well. Here’s batch #1:

Apollo 18 [2011]
Apollo 18 [2011, dir. Gonzalo López-Gallego]
— this review contains possible spoilers —
Apollo 18 is a found footage film that proclaims that the canceled Apollo 18 mission did in fact land on the moon in 1974 but never returned. The film, marketed as a documentary of sorts that had its content culled from “over 11 hours” of recently discovered videos, admittedly has a great concept. Unfortunately, it fails miserably in its execution. Focusing primarily on two astronauts, Ben Anderson (Warren Christie) and Nate Walker (Lloyd Owen), the film takes its sweet time getting anywhere. In fact, its short 86 minute running time feels twice as long.

After a series of tedious clips of the men traversing through space, they arrive on the moon only to discover they aren’t alone. Now here’s where the film goes off the rails: the mysterious “aliens” on the moon are actually rocks. Yes — moon rocks. This payoff is as insipid as it sounds, and it takes a lot of effort to continue watching after this point. I’ll give López-Gallego credit for making the best of his low budget — the grainy footage and presentation of the moon are believable enough — but the overall result is sci-fi horror at its most bland. 4/10

Insidious [2010]
Insidious [2010, dir. James Wan]
Insidious is a ghost story that is anything but conventional. What’s funny is that it starts off as a paint-by-numbers take on the genre before going in a completely different direction during its second half, one that will make or break the film for most viewers. Patrick Wilson and Rose Byrne star as a married couple who have moved into a new home with their three children. One night, their oldest son, Dalton (Ty Simpkins), is playing in the attic when he falls off a ladder, hitting his head on the ground. He goes into a deep coma, and the doctors are clueless as to what is causing this. Shortly after this accident, the family begins experiencing a number of paranormal events in their new home. Doors open on their own, alarms go off, and the youngest son claims to hear his comatose brother walking around at night. In a neat twist, at least compared to most horror films, the family actually moves out of their house and into a new home.

The problem is, the hauntings follow them. This is when the film goes elsewhere, as the family brings in a psychic as a last ditch effort to figure out just what the hell is going on. I won’t get into explicit details, but the film gets a lot more supernatural at this point, going in a direction that I absolutely loved. It seems that most prefer the more traditional haunted house approach of the film’s first half, but for me it kicked into high gear near the end. This transition, albeit over-the-top, turned Insidious from an average ghost story into a memorable, creepy affair. 7/10

V/H/S/ [2012]
V/H/S [2012, 10 directors]
Here is a found footage film with a killer concept — a group of dudebros break into an old man’s house to steal a VHS tape, but what they find is a collection of home videos, each one more gruesome than the last. Nevermind that most of the videos we see are completely implausible to have been transferred to VHS — how likely is it that a Skype video chat would make its way to a tape? V/H/S is an anthology collection comprised of six different short films, each directed by a different filmmaker (including Adam Wingard and Ti West). All of these clips are linked in that they share the same atrocious handheld “shaky cam” techniques, with the added “bonus” of buffering and unwanted jump cuts. This is just about the worst possible film for anyone who gets motion sickness to watch. Normally I can tolerate shaky cam movies like this, but this one gave me a nasty headache after just ten minutes.

As it goes with any anthology, some segments work better than others. Unfortunately, most of the ones presented here are instantly forgettable. There is just one that I found interesting — the aforementioned Skype video chat, which was blessed with an unexpected twist. The others usually amount to partying, a number of bros getting wasted and then people dying with gratuitous gore. The special effects, when we can actually see them, are well done but they aren’t enough to save what is ultimately a dull and often infuriating experience. I feel there is potential for a good film in this, but the lack of captivating moments and the ridiculous plot holes are just too much to overcome. Too bad, because I really wanted to love this. 4/10

Poll Results: Best Found Footage Film + Weekend Roundup

Quite a few contenders, but there could be only one:

The Blair Witch Project

THE RESULTS:
– The Blair Witch Project: 7 votes
– Chronicle: 5 votes
– Cloverfield: 2 votes
– The Troll Hunter: 2 votes
– Cannibal Holocaust: 1 vote
– Man Bites Dog: 1 vote
– Quarantine: 1 vote
– Paranormal Activity series: 1 vote
– The Last Exorcism: 1 vote

It came down to a battle of the old and the new, but the horror favorite of The Blair Witch Project prevailed. Can’t argue with that one, as it has turned out to be quite the influential film. I love that some lesser-seen titles such as Man Bites Dog and Cannibal Holocaust received votes as well. No love for [REC], though?

This Week’s Poll: Fall TV is back, with many shows making their season debuts last week. Despite increasingly poor ratings, NBC’s Thursday night block of comedies has provided some of the funniest television over the last several years. My question for you is: what is the best sitcom from this group of comedies?

WEEKEND ROUNDUP:
After the craziness of the last couple weeks, I had a much-needed getaway and spent the weekend camping in Wisconsin. My girlfriend and I went with a couple friends, and we had a great time hiking and just hanging out at our campsite. It felt amazing to just be so far removed from technology, even if it were only for a couple of days. Plus we got to drink plenty of New Glarus brews, always a highlight when visiting the Badger State.

We got back in time for me to catch the second half of the Lions/Titans game, and holy hell, that was probably the most ridiculous game I have ever seen! It’s not often that you get to see a backup quarterback lead a team down the field and score a touchdown in a matter of seconds, watch the team recover an onside kick, then proceed to throw a successful Hail Mary bomb to tie the game at the end of regulation. I’m still in shock over that series of events — two touchdowns in 18 seconds! Of course, a botched playcall at the end sealed the loss for the Lions, but that was easily the most entertaining game of the year so far. It would have never happened without the replacement refs either, who blew so many calls for both sides that it was just laughable. When all is said and done, people are going to look back at this season in a state of bewilderment.

So, how was your weekend? What do you guys think about the new poll and last week’s results?